


To Be Gone

by Jesonomi



Category: Original Work
Genre: Assisted Existential Suicide by Higher Being(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jesonomi/pseuds/Jesonomi
Summary: I want to disappear, without a trace I ever existed.
Kudos: 1





	To Be Gone

Snow barely starts to fall as I make my way into the forest. I didn't think it would, but the world has been getting colder and colder. I don't feel excited at the sight of the snow, even though it's still a fresh sight. Less than a handful of times, I've gotten to see it, and yet I already feel so little. I'm preoccupied by the thoughts in my head. So intrusive and unwilling to leave, they worm their way through my denials until they stop being thoughts in my head, and become things I think.

The ground beneath my feet crunches as I push further through the forest. What I'm seeking is here, I'm sure of it. This time, I have it. I start to shiver as the frigid weather makes its way into my body. The biting cold and resulting tremble from my core makes me feel a little more alive. I let out a slow breath and watch it fade into the air, losing myself a little more in my thoughts. 

The snow starts to build up as I stumble deeper and deeper into the forest. Time is a mystery. I keep checking my watch out of habit, but it's been broken for a few days now. Something inside just stopped. Maybe it's been a few hours since I entered the trees? Maybe less. I'm not sure how quickly or slowly snow accumulates on the ground. 

A glimpse of brightness catches my eye and I head towards it. The trees open into a circular clearing. A little pile of rocks sits in the center, within a big circle of mushrooms. This is it. I step into the circle and approach the stack of stones. My stomach churns and my legs feel weak. Something catches my foot and I stumble and fall to the ground. So cold. 

I get up onto my hands and knees and pray to whatever gods or spirits that are listening. I beg to be erased, to have my very being and existence plucked from time and thrown away. I want to disappear and have the gaps close as if I was never there. Erase me. Take my birth and scrub it away. Cut me out of the picture. My whole life's been a clown show, and I want one final disappearance act. 

The ground shifts below, and I lurch forward. My face stings, differently from the cold. It's the prickling sensation of numbness. I go to touch my face when I see my hands. They're losing form, my flesh slowly shifting off my bones, already flattened from catching my fall just now. All I can feel is numbness all over my body as my blood stops running. I'm melting, falling apart, just flesh colored sludge. My eyelids stop responding and start to ooze over my eyes. Just a little sliver of vision left to look through. Like falling asleep.

Oh. So this is how I go out. 

As long as my wish comes true. The world doesn't need to remember I existed. [ ] don't want to leave my mistakes behind. The people [ ] met will have lived slightly brighter lives without [ ]. Without such ugly stained moments. Forget, because [ ] life wasn't worth anything at all.

**Author's Note:**

> ? - 119


End file.
